I'm tired of mediocrity... I'm frustrated with complacency... I just want to be real...

Easier said than done right?

Do you ever come to a point where you question your own validity? For me lately I haven't been questioning my salvation.. it has been more of how am I really living out my faith.

My greatest fear in life is being a hypocrite.

I don't want to just blend in with the crowd that surrounds me. I love the college I go to...don't get me wrong...but I hope that the Christian atmosphere that encloses me is not a hinderance... but an aid to growth. Lately, I've been wondering which one it is. Is it becoming so easy to "say the right thing" and "do the right thing," that I have forgotten what true faith in God is? Faith is constantly saying to God.. I can't do anything without you.. I need you and trust you. I hope that Liberty has not become a SparkNotes book on how to pass tests of faith.

I just want to be genuine.. is that too much to ask? I want the things I do to mirror what's on my heart. With that said, it starts in my heart. I want a real love for God; I don't want to just say it. I want to yearn, desire, and desperately want God. He is more than just my way to heaven. I want this love that I have for God to spew over like water in a boiling pot! I want to love others... not just because I am told I am suppose to... but because I see people as God's people--people He created and formed who have the same chance as I to personally know Him.

Having a right heart will lead to doing the right things. I don't want to just go to church, do my devotions, go to a christian college, go on a missions trip, just because I am a "christian." No... I want to do these things because of the conditon of my heart--my heart that is overwhelmed by God. I don't just want to help people out because that is the nice thing to do. The central desire is God's love. I don't help the less fortunate or be nice to my enemies, just to gain brownie points... Once again..I want to do this because I am genuinly star-struck by God and His love for me.

I'm tired of standing on the fence.. It's time to pick a side.


God... search me.. know me... try me and see...